


Electing Strange Perfections In Any Stranger I Choose

by Mrdogster



Category: Orbiting Human Circus of the Air (Podcast)
Genre: I almost made polar bear boy a dick but I didn't want to hurt julian my son, I wrote this on a whim, Julian is a smol bean at 15, M/M, Pre-Series, anyway yikes, i am not okay™, polar bear boy had no name so i named him dylan, spoilers for episode 7 i guess, this is dumb and i am tired but oh well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 08:45:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9314102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrdogster/pseuds/Mrdogster
Summary: Julian at 15 and the polar bear boyfriend that could've been.Aka Julian is not straight and I love him





	

**Author's Note:**

> I am personally offended that no one has written any fic about julian since he is a #confirmed not-straight. Anyway, comments and kudos welcome, thanks for stopping by. Title from "Someone New" by Hozier because I'm garbage
> 
> [Edit]: the live show severely disproved any possibility of this lol but oh well! consider it an au i guess haha

Julian meets his first boyfriend when he’s 15. His grandpa is having a party, a rather small one really. Julian is entranced by the people there, all show people, all dressed lavishly. It’s intimidating really, all those important people, all that talent and beauty in one room. While he usually quite likes these parties, his anxiety hasn’t been good to him today, and he hasn’t been able to work up the courage to enter the room just yet. He’s been standing by the door to the hallway for what feels like hours when someone comes up behind him.

“You don’t have to hide, you know.”

Julian jumps. He spins around to see who’s talking to him. 

“You don’t have to be shy, they’re nice people really. They can be a bit overwhelming at first though, especially if you don’t like being the center of attention.”

In the dimness of the hallway Julian can roughly make out who’s talking to him. They’re a boy, maybe a year or so older than him. He’s taller than Julian, more filled out and sturdy. Julian’s scrawny, and while not small, he’s certainly not the tallest. The boy’s mouth is set in a smirk, but for some reason it doesn’t seem mean. It’s playful, even a little welcoming. It takes him a minute before he processes the sentence. 

“Oh, no, I-I was just about to head in,” Julian manages. _“Where did he even come from?” _Julian thinks briefly before remembering a bathroom a couple doors down.__

“Well that’s good. It’s nice to be away from it all every once in a while, but being with them all has it’s charms too.” The boy smiles this time, different than before, and steps ahead into the room and is almost immediately pulled away by some person or another. In the light Julian can see him better. He lets out a shaky breath. _He’s gorgeous _. Julian steps in after the boy, straightening himself and trying to stop his heart from beating halfway out of his chest.__

No one really seems to notice his entrance. His grandpa is across the room, laughing loudly and making conversation with several men. Julian walks slowly through the crowd to an unoccupied chair near the corner. He doesn’t need to participate to have a good time, just being around them is enough.

Every so often someone will come by and say hello, both people he’s met and people he hasn’t. Some remember his face from parties past, but never quite remember the name. Some don’t know him at all, but swear they’ve seen that face before. And some people have met him but don’t remember him a bit. He sits there, saying hello and goodbye and see you later to many people in passing before he sees a somewhat familiar face.

“Hello again” The boy says, champagne glass in one hand and his other in his pocket. He can’t be old enough to drink and yet, who here is going to stop him. Julian lets out a nervous smile.

“Oh, hi...” He can’t do more than glance into the boy’s eyes as a heat crawls slowly up his neck and threatens his face. The boy sits down near him.

“I don’t believe I properly introduced myself.” He stuck out a hand. “I’m Dylan.”

Julian takes his hand and shakes. “Julian.” Dylan smiles, setting down his champagne on a side table. 

“How are you liking the party then, Julian,” He asks, looking out at the mass of people around them.

“It’s good,” he responds a bit too loudly. He tries again a bit quieter, “It’s nice. The people are… nice.” He doesn’t mean to trail off, but he’d risked a glance up from his hands and over to Dylan, silhouetted by light and glamour of the room, and frankly, it makes Julian’s mouth go dry. 

Dylan looks over at him, mouth set at a pleasant smile, before speaking again. “I rather enjoy parties. My father is the ringleader of a somewhat prominent circus, so we’re always moving around. We don’t often get to attend parties.” He drinks from his champagne, and sweeps his eyes over Julian. Julian knows the suit he has is somewhat sub par, and can’t help but feel a bit self conscious about it. “What about you? What brings you here?”

Julian looks away to see if he can spot his grandpa in the crowd. He can’t.

“My grandpa is the host. I live here. I’m not a show person, obviously,” he lets out a small laugh from the back of his throat, “but he lets me come anyway.” 

“That’s incredible; I didn’t know he had a child, let alone a grandson,” Dylan says, intrigued. Julian lets out another small, awkward laugh.

“Heh, yeah well…it’s not really that interesting. What do you do? In the circus I mean?”

“Oh yes, well, I’m a polar bear.” Julian turns quickly to look at him.

“A-a polar bear?” He questions.

“Yes, of course. I wear a suit and perform with the trainer. You must know this, as your grandfather works in the business. The circus trainers never really train those animals to do such things.” Julian blushes.

“Right, right, of course.” Someone across the room waves at Dylan. He stands. 

“You should come by the show sometime with your grandfather, before we leave. My father and I would be glad to give you a tour after the show.”  
“That would be great, I’d love to…” Julian tries to answer, but by the time he finishes the sentence, Dylan is already gone. He sighs and leans back in his chair. Dylan left his champagne. Julian looks at it a second before grabbing it and taking a long sip. 

* * * *

It’s not until a couple days later, when his grandpa and him are eating breakfast together, that he hears about the circus again. 

“We’re going to a circus tomorrow evening,” his grandpa says, his eyes over the bowl in front of him.

Julian’s heart skips a beat. “Oh?”

“I’ve been invited to appear, and you’ve been invited to attend.”

Julian looks back at his plate, suppressing a grin that threatens to overtake his face. “That’s nice of them,” he says, and goes back to eating. He couldn’t be more excited for tomorrow night to come. 

* * * *

The show is incredible and amazing and more than Julian had ever expected it to be. He has a reserved seat in the front row and everything is fantastic. He’d seen his grandpa perform countless times before and it never failed to enchant him. Every act is spectacular and every minute is enthralling. When the animal trainer finally comes out, Julian is practically on the edge of his seat. Even from where he’s sitting, it’s still rather hard to pick out which polar bear isn’t the real one. Once he does find it though, he watches for any indication that Dylan sees him or remembers him. He thinks it might be a trick of his eyes but if he looks long enough at the eyes of the suit, he thinks he can see the eyes behind it, looking back at him. 

When the show ends, Julian waits at the stage while everyone files out around him. There’s this excitement, exhilaration even, that come with the lights and the stage. Even being right here fills him with a nervous adrenaline. Once everyone is gone, the crew heads out. 

They aren’t the performers obviously, but they’re as much a part of the show as the performers. Julian watches him for a moment, climbs the steps next to the stage, and heads towards the curtain. 

Behind the curtain is a swarm of people moving this way and that. Julian can see his grandpa talking to the ringleader and starts to head towards him, before deciding against it and wandering over to the exit. Outside is only slightly less chaotic with them having more room. Julian looks around for the animals, thinking maybe he can catch Dylan there.

“Hey, Julian!” Someone calls from behind him. Turning, Julian spots Dylan jogging towards him. He’s not in his costume anymore, probably changing out of it at the first chance he could. He’s dressed in sweats and a white t shirt. His hair clings to his forehead in sweat, and Julian doesn’t like the red flush that finds his face when he thinks of Dylan covered in sweat. He shakes off his thoughts and grins as he walks over to him. 

“Hey, you did really well tonight! I could barely tell that it was you” Julian says enthusiastically. “The show was amazing, I loved it.”

“Well I’m really glad, we work hard here to give a good performance.” Dylan grins and everything is perfect. “Hey, come this way, I’ll let you meet the bears.”

They walk swiftly through the swarm of people toward some cages a little bit off. Dylan seems at ease, like he knows this place better than anyone there. They don’t speak but it’s a comfortable silence, companionable. By the time they reach the cages, all the polar bears are locked up and accounted for.

“These one’s are pretty docile. When we first got them they were practically wild. They wouldn’t listen to anyone or anything. It’s good we have such good trainers though, at least to teach them how to act around people,” Dylan explains. Julian takes a step towards the cages. “I-I don’t know how close you should get though Julian. They’ve never been great at close proximity with people they don’t know.”

Julian doesn’t step back though. He’s just about at the bars when he stops. One of the bears is looking at him, curious and anxious. It’s eyes are the deepest black, and Julian just stares into them. Strangely, he isn’t scared. In fact, he’s the calmest he thinks he’s ever been around an animal. The polar bear stares back at him, slowly lowering its head. Out of habit, Julian reaches out to touch it. His hand connects to the fur and he hears a breathy laugh behind him. 

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve seen them take to someone so easily,” Dylan says as Julian strokes the polar bear’s fur. “You know, the trainers used to get them to calm down like that. They’d say ‘If you look deep into their eyes, they can smell what you’re thinking’. It’s really something isn’t it.”

“Yeah,” Julian breathes before bringing his hand away. The polar bear looks at him a second, then lies down at the back of its cage. 

They go around the rest of the circus, sometimes meeting other performers but usually not. By the time they start to make their way back to the stage, it’s likely long after midnight and there’s hardly anyone around. They’re nearing the dimly lit entrance to the building when Dylan stops them suddenly.

“Look, out that way,” Dylan says pointing. Julian looks out and realizes that the lights of Paris are shining brightly, and that, some distance away, you can see the Eiffel Tower glowing brightly under pale stars. “It’s beautiful isn’t it.”  
Julian looks at the tower and the stars, then he glances over at Dylan, who’s eyes are still set on the skyline. Julian makes a decision then, one he wouldn’t have made had he had any time to really think about it. He turns to Dylan and places a hand on his shoulder. Dylan turns, his eyes now on Julian’s for a fraction of a second, before Julian leans in and captures his mouth in a chaste, closed mouth kiss. They stay like that for a few seconds, Julian’s eyes closed so tightly, as if he’s scared this all would disappear when he opened them. Dylan reaches a hand up to Julian’s face and slowly, gently pushes them apart.

When Julian opens his eyes, Dylan is looking at him with an expression that isn’t angry, not even upset really, just apologetic. Julian can feel the disappointment and embarrassment rising in him. Dylan’s hand is still on his cheek, and it strokes his face once before falling down to Julian’s hand. He takes it and squeezes, the same apologetic look adorning his features. His hand drops, and he heads towards the building door. Julian doesn’t move. He just watches him go.

He goes back to the polar bears, dejected, tears on the verge of falling. He looks at the bears and lets himself cry. All the bears have their eyes closed, but somehow, Julian feels that they can feel his sadness, even in their sleep.

He goes back to the building after a little bit, eyes only a little bit puffy and red. His grandpa is waiting there, still chatting with the ringleader, but not the serious conversation they were having before. Dylan is there, deliberately avoiding Julian’s eyes. 

They leave somewhat quickly, heading towards the entrance in relative silence. Dylan’s father and Julian’s grandpa go out the door first, but just as he’s about to follow, Dylan pulls Julian back. He stops, confused, until Dylan gives him a small peck on the lips, which leaves him even more confused. 

“I’m sorry that I’m not… like that,” Dylan starts, “but you’re lovely, and I know you’ll find someone for you someday. Someone who can give you what you want in ways that I can’t.” He smiles then, a sad sort of smile, but a smile nonetheless. “Goodnight Julian,” he whispers. And then he’s out the door to follow his father. 

Julian gets in the car that night, a little melancholy, a little sad, but still quite hopeful. They may not have really been boyfriends, but Julian still will think of him that way; as someone who cared for him, even if it wasn't like that. As someone who he cared for regardless.


End file.
